instruction stringclasses 1
value | input stringclasses 43
values | output stringlengths 150 1.98k |
|---|---|---|
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde a brunette and a red-head were stuck on a deserted island. When they were searching for food one day they found a genie's lamp. They all rubbed it at the same time. The genie popped out and said "Since you all rubbed my lamp at the same time, you get one wish each." The blonde went first "I wish I was 10% smar... |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | The Secret Service was looking for more employees. They put up a sign and the next day they picked the next three people. They brought the first guy into a room and gave him a pistol and said" Your wife is in that room go in and shoot her" The guy looked at them and said" No I can't do it" So the Secret Service brought... |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's yoursecret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a caseof whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," th... |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | There was a blond a brunette, and a red-head and they were walking down the street. A short man came up to them and said: in that castle there is a magic mirror, if u look into the mirror and tell the truth you will be granted any wish you please, but if you lie you will be banished into the mirror forever The girls we... |
Write a joke about the following category | Deep Thoughts | Why are they called apartments if they are joined together? An archaeologist is a best husband a woman can get. As older she grows, the more interested he is in her. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. If moths are attracted to bright lights, how come they sleep during the day? I love being... |
Write a joke about the following category | Deep Thoughts | 1. Capmbell's Soup Condoms: Mmm, mmmm, good...2. Coca Cola Conddoms: the real thing.3. Diet pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.4. Double Mint: Double your pleasure, Double your fun!5. Energizer: It keeps going and going and going...6. Ford condoms: the best never Rest.7. Hewlett Packard Condoms; Expanding poss... |
Write a joke about the following category | Deep Thoughts | If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your phone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you e... |
Write a joke about the following category | Deep Thoughts | I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits andexhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. Alittle concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Doyou think I'll live to be 80?"He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?""Oh no," I replied. "I've... |
Write a joke about the following category | Deep Thoughts | A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?" "Both son. God is both." After a while the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?" "Both son, both." The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?" |
Write a joke about the following category | Deep Thoughts | Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why is the g... |
Write a joke about the following category | Deep Thoughts | An Englishman, a Scott, and a Irishman walked into a pub.Each orderd a pint of beer . Then a fly landed in each one's beer . The Englishman, turning slightly green, pushed his beer away and asked for another one .The Scott took the fly out ,shrugged, and drank his beer . The Irisman pinched the flybetween his finger... |
Write a joke about the following category | Deep Thoughts | At age 4, success is..................not peeing in your pants. At age 12, success is..................having friends. At age 20, success is..................having sex. At age 35, success is..................making money. At age 70, success is..................having sex. At age 80, success is..................having ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Aviation | Upon landing hard, the pilot got on the PA system, "Sorry, folks for the hard landing. It wasn't my fault, blame it on the asphalt."On this particular flight, the airline pilot noted that he had "hammered the plane a little hard on the runway."The airline policy was that he had to stand at the exit and apologize to eac... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | An elderly couple was crossing the Canadian border to go to their winter recluse in Florida. At the crossing they were stopped by an over-zealous border guard, on his first day at work. He commenced to ask the couple a battery of questions and check for passports.The husband, on behalf of his almost deaf wife, answer... |
Write a joke about the following category | Crazy Jokes | Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, "Now, I'd like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine." Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight member said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequen... |
Write a joke about the following category | Aviation | A young man joins the Air Force. He writes his father, saying that he is really frightened about the upcoming parachute exercises. A few months later he gets leave and goes home. His father asks, "So, how did the parachute jump go, son?" Son replies, "Well, Dad, it came time for me to jump and I froze at the door. My d... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill." The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking. The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?" The husband replies, "Autumn." |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | James was on the beach, and could not understand why Bob had attracted all the girls, while he had no luck. So he asked Rich "why do you get all the girls and I get nothing?" Bob replied "take a potato and tuck it in your swimming trunks. It drives the women wild!" So James stuffed a potato in his suit and paraded up a... |
Write a joke about the following category | Crazy Jokes | A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?" "I'm sure I can." the psychiatrist replied.... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man walks into a bar. On the bar sits a big jar of twenty dollar bills. The man asks the bartender,"What's the deal with the jar of money?" "Well", the bartender says,"I've got a horse tied up in the stable out back. This horse has never laughed in his life. You put a twenty in the jar, then if you can make my horse ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Phil and Jill had been married for many years but now were in divorce court.The judge asked, 'Phil, is it true that the last three years of your marriage, you did not speak to Jill?'Phil replies, 'Yes Judge, that is correct.''And how do you explain this unusual conduct?' the judge inquires.Phil replies, 'I didn't want ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Bob and Earl were best friends and had been for 50 years. They went to baseball games together and had the best time possible. They truly loved the game but they always wondered if there was baseball in heaven and agreed that whoever died first had to call the other guy and tell them if there was baseball in heaven. Th... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Two guys went to a gas station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free sex when you filled your tank. They pumped their gas and went to pay the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number between one and ten," he said. "If you guess right, you win free sex." "Okay," agreed one of the guys, "I guess seven." "Sorry, I... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms."What size?" asks the clerk?"Gee, I don't know.""Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly. Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Soph... |
Write a joke about the following category | Medical | A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this." "What's the problem?" the docotor inquired. "Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away." "My friend, this is not a serious... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree. "Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong! I will ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Food Jokes | A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning and read from the menu. "I'd like one under- cooked egg so that it's runny, and one over-cooked egg so that it's tough and hard to eat. I'd also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the fre... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long.Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and dow... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A few days before her birthday a husband asked his wife, "Dear, what would you like for your present?""I really don't think I should say.""How about a diamond ring?" the husband asks."I don't care much for diamonds.""Well, how about a mink coat?""You know I do not like furs." she says."A golden necklace?" asks the man.... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows."Twenty bucks," she says.He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell it's only twenty bucks. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer."What's going on here, people?" ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon and eggs? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?"He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."At lunchtime she asked if he would like something. "A bowl of soup... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?""After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would.. We all need companionship.""If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?""We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age. She took out ads in newspapers around ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man comes home from work, sits in his lazyboy in front of the TV and rudely tells his wife, 'Gimme a beer before it starts.' She gives him his beer. About 15 minutes later, he says again, 'Gimme a beer before it starts.' She does. A few minutes later, he asks again for a beer. The wife says, 'Don't you think you're d... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | An 85 year old man marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new husband is so old, the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate suites. She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the festivities, she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below th... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Nice Hotel A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Medical | After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to perform in bed anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him "this is all in your mind", and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confess... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello." WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beauti... |
Write a joke about the following category | Medical | A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. "What's the matter?" he was asked. He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right." "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to m... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil w... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.The Wizard says "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife." |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wa... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow!, you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was toda... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outsi... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anythi... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes and then starts screaming with extasy and pleasure. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again, and again screams as if he had just had the best sexual intercourse of his life. The woman is about to go nuts.A few more minutes pass. The man s... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully co... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but I want a divorce."The husband says nothing but slowly increases the speed to 60 mph.She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me o... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A busy farmer needed some help with tending to the animals. His mother-in-law offered to spend some time on his farm, and being as busy as he was, the farmer had no choice but to accept her offer.A few days later, the farmer's mother-in-law was killed when his mule kicked her.Thousands of people from town who had heard... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. "Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "And this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me." "Ah, last nig... |
Write a joke about the following category | Medical | A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Coul... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | "Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor guy is thinking about ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A Chinese walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.He tells the loan officer that he is going to Taiwan on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese hands over the keys to a new Ferr... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A guy gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!".The wife says, "Wow! That's great! I'm so happy! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?"He says, "I don't care. Just get the hell out!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."With that said and done, the next time God looke... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice sh... |
Write a joke about the following category | Medical | A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn. He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed in the emergency room with second-degree burns. He was already starting to blister and in agony. The doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline and a se... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped ri... |
Write a joke about the following category | Medical | A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable woul... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man takes his wife to the live stock show. They start heading down the alley that houses all the bulls. The sign on the first bull's stall states: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, isn't that nice!" They proceed to the next bull and ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla species available. While reflecting on ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | man's business trip is cancelled and he is at home with a rather nervous wife. They go to bed, but about midnight, the phone rings.The man rolls over and answered..."Hello?""What?""How the hell should I know, I live in Phoenix."He hangs up and his wife asks, "Who was it dear?""Just some idiot who wanted to know if the ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A couple has been married for many years, and one day the man tells his wife that he wishes she had bigger breasts."but how am I going to get bigger breasts?" she asks."That's simple", he says, "just rub your breasts with toilet paper every day"."And that would do it?", the surprised wife wonders."Well,", answers the h... |
Write a joke about the following category | Medical | An eldarly couple go to the Doctor. The man complains that when they have sex, the first time is OK but during the second time he sweats like a pig. The Doctor asks the wife if she has any idea why her husbands sweats like that. "That's obvious", she answers. "The first time we have sex is in the winter, the second tim... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Two guys were talking at work. "I've got a problem," said the first one. "What is it?""My wife has done it to me again. I'm supposed to buy my mother-in-law a present for her birthday, from the two of us. And I am fresh out of ideas. I mean it's HER mother, why can't she buy it?""What did you buy her last year?" the ot... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for a crusade and called one of his squires, "I'm leaving for the crusade. Here is the key to my wife's chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven't returned, you may use the key as I'm sure she will have needs". The knight sets out on the dusty ro... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the final couple was newlywed. Two weeks went by, ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As Emma undressed for bed, the husband (who was a burly bruiser) tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants", she said. "That's ri... |
Write a joke about the following category | Bar Jokes | Every night after dinner, Harry took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He usually had trouble getting his key to fit the keyhole and couldn't get the door open. And, every time this happened, his wife would go to ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Medical | An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?""What did he say? What's he want?"His wife ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker, Morris is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal, ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A married woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly."Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She pushed him into the closet stark naked.The husband, however, b... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Top 10 Things Not To Say To A Naked Man... ------------------------------------ 1 This explains your car. 2 I never saw one like that before. 3 But it still works, right? 4 Are you cold? 5 I guess this makes me the early bird. 6 Ahhhh, it's cute. 7 Can I be honest with you? 8 Maybe it looks better in natural light.... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Medical | A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't repl... |
Write a joke about the following category | Medical | Doc, you've gotta help me... my wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?""Look, I can't prescribe...""Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterlyto Hell! You've got... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | It was a hot summer day, and the old courthouse was just as hot. The air was thick and humid, and the jury was having a hard time staying focused. One of the jurors succumbed to the heat, falling asleep just as the victim was being questioned by the prosecutor. "The defendant is accused of making obscene phone calls to... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Mr. Benton thought he had had the last word when he presented his ex-wife with an unusual gift for her birthday. A tombstone on which he had carved, "Here lies my ex-wife Sonja.....cold as usual." Much to his surprise, however, his wife one-upped him for his birthday with a tombstone of his own on which she'd had carve... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"The first man approached hi... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seenyou in a while. What happened? You look terrible.""What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine.""What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.""Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm finenow.""Well, ok, bu... |
Write a joke about the following category | Bar Jokes | The Policeman had stopped the man for obvious drunken driving, but since the guy had a clean record, he made him park the car and took him home in the patrol car. "Are you sure this is your house?" the cop asked as they drove into a rather fashionable neighborhood. "Shertainly!" said the drunk, "and if you'll just open... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | These three married couples died and when they got to the pearly gates. St.Peter told the first husband, "I can't let you in. You let alcohol run your life. You even married a girl named Sherry." Dejected, he turned and walked away. The next married couple stepped up, and St.Peter told the husband, "Can't let you in si... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | One man explaining to another why he fired his secretary: "Two weeks ago," I said, "was my forty-fifth birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went into the kitchen for breakfast knowing that my wife would be pleasant and say 'Happy Birthday' and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out on a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?", sa... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home, he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. "Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?" "There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze." "What color are you... |
Write a joke about the following category | Bar Jokes | "Get this." said the English bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house."Did he get anything?" his mates asked."yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk." |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce."OK," the judge said, "Tell the court why you want a divorce.""Well, your honor," Dan started, "Every once in a while my sister in law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, a... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A geezer walks up to a beautiful woman in a shopping mall. "Excuse me" he says "But I've lost my wife here somewhere and I can't find her. Could you please help me?" "What do you need me to do?" asks the woman. "Just stand here and talk to me" the man replies. "How's that going to help?" she asks. "No idea really...but... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."He goes home in a ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Pinocchio had just finished having sex with his girlfriend, and he asked her, "So ... how was I?" She said, "Well, Pinocchio ... I hate to say this, but when we have sex, you give me splinters!" Pinocchio was devastated. He went running to Gepetto, crying, "My girlfriend says that when we have sex, I give her splinters... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago." John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?" Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a g... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, " We will all die some day, and none of us really know when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event.""Everybody shook their heads in agreement with... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table, alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the g... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A guy walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar. "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" he said to her."I don't know," replied the beautiful young woman. "It depends how personal it is.""OK," the guy said. "How many men have you slept with?""I'm not going to tell you that!" the woman exclaimed. "That's my ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Jenny's husband, Charley, was a male chauvinist. Even though they both worked full-time, he never helped around the house. Housework was woman's work! But one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of clothes in the washer and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove, and the table ... |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.